"That was great"

After seeing my first Broadway show RENT, I was 13, I decided that would be my life; Performing. And I knew exactly what I was getting myself into. Low income, struggling times but a creative and fulfilling life and hopefully maybe a big pay off and becoming a movie star. The latter is what I expected.

After acting school the next step was to get serious about acting. Meet as many people as I could, get an agent/manager and start working. Easier said than done. This industry is all about LUCK and knowing the right people or knowing people who know people. You have to have tough skin, take the compliments as they come but don't weigh them heavy and most importantly KNOW who you are and WHAT you want and do not be afraid to get it. Stop at nothing. We can't all be super stars but we can make a living going to work doing what we love.

Like I said all of this is easier said than done. (this is going to be a long post. My apologies.)
I got my head shots done and went on audition after audition. They were small auditions but I thought the more I audition the better I will get and the more I work the better. This is true, if you get the role.
I wasn't getting these roles that I was auditioning for. Self doubt sets in. Am I not good? Do people not like me? Should I go to a four year college and consider a different career?
The answer was always NO! This is my life, this is what I love. This is my passion. Acting is what I have chosen and I will stick it out until the bitter end. La Vie Boheme.

A Casting Director once told me that when you get compliments or rave reviews after an audition it is the Kiss of Death. This was true for me. I was going on these auditions and the CD was telling me how great I was. They really liked me. They thought it was a great audition. I would never book the role.

This has never changed for me though. I am sure there a lot of actors that feel the same way as I do. It is almost as if people are compelled to tell me how great I was or how I really understood the character but then don't want me for the role.

The other day I went to one of those seminars. I refuse to go to the ones that cost hundreds but I figure the ones that cost 25 dollars are a steal. I get to sit in a room with managers or agents I would love to work with, perform for them and give them my head shot. They were being very quiet. They were not giving much feedback and everyone was leaving the event sort of discouraged. The man who runs the event came out to the waiting room and said "They're are not saying much to anyone so please do not feel bad about it. It has nothing to do with you."

I was next in the room. Expecting nothing to come out of their mouths. I did my monologue and felt disconnected from it the whole time. I was also fighting these burps that happened to pop up right before I went in. Gross, I know. I finished and said thank you. Then one Manager chimed in. "That was really good. I really followed you the whole time. It was good, yeah (nods head)." Another chimed in "I love that monologue, it's really good. I love your shirt too!" "Thank you" I said.
Manager one chimes in again "You should get a new head shot though."
Me "I know, my hair has grown out and it's more blonde now."
"No" she says "That's not it. It's just not good and you have such a unique look in person you need your head shot to look like that."
I smiled. I thought it was a funny moment. I loved their criticism though. It's what I look for when I go to these things. The compliments were a boost though. They made me feel good but also bad.

When you constantly receive praise for something but never see anything come to life you become discouraged.

I am not sure what the point is. I guess maybe someone can read this and say "UGH this happens to me ALL the time!" The point is I suppose we are not alone. We are all actors and some of us have to travel a bumpier road than others. No path is the same and our paths make us who we are. This path is making me fight harder and grow more as a person. As opposed to maybe someone with an easier path who expects everything to come with a bat of their eye lashes.

I know in my heart of hearts that I will be going to set everyday, telling stories and making a living off it because there is not any number of  No's that will deter me. Sometimes I think that maybe I was TOO good for these things I was auditioning for and I am meant for larger things in my life or maybe they wanted a size 6 and I'm a 4 or maybe they wanted a brunette and I'm blonde.

However, I've made up my mind after so many No's that I don't care anymore. It does not matter why I didn't get the role and yet was still praised for my audition. It is not worth worrying about. There will be another audition and another one after that and on and on and on. I will keep going because this is what I have chosen and I am determined to make it through. There is nothing else besides Acting and there is no back up plan. Acting is the plan and it will work.

I hope you have enjoyed this post and if you feel as I do, you too can make it work for you!

Love,
Anonymous Actress

Searching for Headshots

Finding a photographer to take ones headshot is like searching for your soul mate. 
These photos represent me before someone actually gets to meet me in person. My picture needs to pop. It could be a bitchin' photo of myself but does it say "HIRE ME" or "GIRL NEXT DOOR", "INGENUE", "FEMME FATALE" ? Does it label the kind of actor I am while still being a great photo? 

Fortunately for me my boyfriend is a photographer. Unfortunately for me the industry peeps say to never have a Family member or significant other take your head shot. What I think they mean by this is do not have your mother who is a nurse and never held a camera in her life snap your photo with a disposable or point and shoot. 


At the same time, we're all trying to save some money. If my boyfriend can take a great photo of me and he's probably one of few people who photograph me extremely well then why shouldn't I get some free shots out of that rather than pay 800 dollars for a stranger I've never met to take 200+ shots and only edit 3? (Of course it's a light edit. I don't want to look like a super model and then walk into the audition looking like a troll.)
Is it because I have read countless books, interviews and sat in listening to CD's and Agents saying to find a great "head shot" photographer, not a family member. (My boyfriends not a family member though. That's weird.)


I guess it would seem so. All of the people that I need to like me in order to get my career moving are telling me what to do. I should listen to them right? 
But as Kelly Cutrone says "Normal gets you nowhere." 


I have met some great photographers and I have seen some work of great photographers. Just because they took a great head shot for someone else doesn't mean you will like them and it is extremely important to have some sort of chemistry with the person taking your picture. Otherwise they will be bland brand head shots and you just doused 500-800 dollars in oil, lit it up and created a cold fire. 


Sit down with someone who you might want to take your pictures. Get to know them. This is a consultation. You wouldn't get a boob job before sitting down and talking with the doctor first. Don't get your picture taken which is crucial to your acting career without talking to the photographer first.
Find the cheapest and greatest and for heavens sake if your dad is a photographer or uncle or cousin or sister or boyfriend or best friend... I mean legit photographer meaning it is their career not just a hobbie then have them take your photograph. 

Why on this green but mostly blue earth would you pay a ton of money if you have someone perfectly fit to do it for free?

And that is my opinion. Hopefully you made sense of it : )

Good luck and Smile.
-Actress Anonymous